Mindset and Grief: Navigating the Loss of My Soul Dog, Jango

It’s been three weeks since I lost Jango, my soul dog, and the pain is still raw. If you’ve ever lost a pet, you know that it’s not just the absence of a furry friend—it’s the loss of a bond that goes deeper than words can describe. Jango and I were together for 11 years, through every high and low, and his death has left a hole in my heart that I never knew could exist. This kind of grief—this deep, all-encompassing sorrow—has been a struggle I wasn’t prepared for.

Jango and I have been through everything together: moving across the world, enduring tough breakups, battling loneliness, facing the uncertainty of the pandemic, navigating my mother’s cancer, and finding solace in beach days and rainy afternoons. His fur has absorbed more tears than I could ever count. We’ve shared a lifetime of memories—both joyful and sorrowful—and now, I’m left figuring out how to move forward without him by my side.

But as I’ve navigated this grief, I’ve realized that there is no roadmap for loss, and there is no “right” way to grieve. I want to share with you what I’ve learned over the past few weeks about grief, mindset, and finding a way through it.

1. Grief Is Not a Problem to Fix

Before Jango passed away, I thought I understood grief. I thought it was something you got over. I thought time healed all wounds. But I’ve learned that grief doesn’t work like that. It isn’t a problem to solve or a feeling to simply push through. Grief is messy, unpredictable, and it doesn’t fit into a neat box. It comes in waves—sometimes calm, sometimes overwhelming. And as much as I want to “fix” the pain, I’m realizing that the only way through it is to feel it. To sit with it, to allow it to be part of my experience.

I wish I could say I’ve “moved on” or that it’s getting easier, but it’s not. Some days, the sadness is all-consuming. And that’s okay. It’s okay to grieve for as long as you need to. There’s no rush.

2. The Guilt of Letting Go

One of the hardest parts of my grief has been the guilt. I keep thinking: Could I have done more? Could I have spent more time with him? The self-blame is relentless, and I know I’m not alone in this feeling. But I’ve had to remind myself that guilt is a normal part of grief. It’s the mind trying to make sense of a loss that doesn’t make sense.

Jango had an amazing life with me. We shared 11 incredible years, and he gave me a love and companionship that I’ll never forget. The guilt isn’t a reflection of how I treated him; it’s a reflection of how much I loved him. And that love? It’s real. It doesn’t disappear because he’s no longer here physically. So I remind myself that it’s okay to feel guilty—it’s just part of the journey.

3. Reframing Thoughts in the Midst of Grief

Some days, it’s impossible to think clearly. I find myself spiraling, caught in the negative thoughts: What if I didn’t do enough? What if I missed something that could’ve saved him? These thoughts only amplify the grief and guilt. But I’ve learned to gently reframe them.

Instead of focusing on the “what ifs,” I’ve been trying to focus on the “what was.” I think about all the good times we had—how Jango would lay next to me on the couch, how he would wag his tail when I came home, how he comforted me through my hardest days. Reframing my thoughts doesn’t mean ignoring the sadness or pretending everything is fine. It means shifting my focus to gratitude for the love we shared and the lessons he taught me. It means remembering him with joy, not just sorrow.

4. Mindfulness and Grief: A Way to Stay Present

In the midst of this grief, I’ve found mindfulness to be one of the most helpful tools. It’s easy to get lost in memories or in imagining what could have been. But by staying present—by focusing on what’s happening right now—I’ve been able to find moments of peace.

I take time each day to sit quietly, breathe deeply, and check in with myself. I allow the sadness to come and go without judgment. I don’t try to fight it or fix it—I simply let it be. And through this process, I’ve started to feel more grounded.

5. Healing Doesn’t Mean Moving On

Some people talk about “moving on” from grief, but that doesn’t resonate with me. I don’t want to move on from Jango—I want to move forward. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means learning to live with the love and loss together.

I’ll never stop missing him, and that’s okay. But I’ll also never stop carrying the love we shared. Grief is a slow process, and it comes in waves. Some days will feel like a step back, but others will be a step forward.

6. You Are Not Alone in Your Grief

If you’re reading this and going through your own grief, I want you to know: you are not alone. Grief can feel isolating, but it’s part of the human experience. We all grieve differently, but we all grieve with love. And it’s that love that we carry with us long after the pain has softened.

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Final Thoughts

Losing Jango has been one of the hardest experiences of my life, but it’s also shown me the depth of love and connection that can exist between humans and animals. Grief is a journey, and it’s okay to feel lost at times. But just know that in the midst of the pain, there is healing. There is space to honor the love, the lessons, and the memories. And most importantly, there is no timeline for grief—there’s only the path that’s right for you.

If you’re going through grief right now, give yourself grace. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, and trust that in time, you will find a way to carry the love with you as you heal.

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